Why Your Need for Validation is Actually a Spiritual Crisis (And How Eastern Wisdom Can Help)
Girish Jha, Coach and Guide, Eastern Wisdom . Blog for Millennials, Gen Y (29-44 years)
How the same teachings that guided seekers 2,000 years ago can free you from the endless scroll for approval
Do you know that feeling when you post something meaningful and then compulsively check for likes? Or when you’re in a deep conversation, but part of your mind is already crafting how you’ll share this moment in your story? That constant underlying anxiety about how you’re being perceived, whether you’re enough, whether you belong?
What if I told you this isn’t just “social media addiction” or “millennial anxiety”—it’s a spiritual crisis that humans have been navigating for thousands of years? And more importantly, what if ancient wisdom traditions already figured out the solution?
The Validation Trap: When Seeking Connection Creates Disconnection
Eastern psychology refers to it as the “projection trap”—the mind’s tendency to seek wholeness outside itself because it feels fundamentally incomplete. For our generation, this plays out in uniquely digital ways, but the underlying pattern is as ancient as time itself.
The Bhagavad Gita describes this as an “attachment to the fruits of action.” We can’t just share our thoughts, create art, or connect with others without obsessing over the response. Our worth becomes tied to metrics—likes, comments, shares, swipe rights—that were never meant to measure human value.
Here’s what’s really happening: You’re using external validation to try to solve an internal identity crisis. But here’s the plot twists the ancient texts understood: the wholeness you’re seeking through others’ approval already exists within you.
The Nine-Factor Spiral: Breaking Down Your Mental Patterns
Ancient wisdom identifies a nine-step cycle that keeps us trapped in validation-seeking:
1. Perception → You see/experience something (a conversation, an event, a social interaction)
2. Attachment → You want a specific outcome (approval, connection, validation)
3. Mental Looping → Your mind obsesses, analyzes, and creates scenarios
4. Expectations → You develop hopes and fears about responses
5. Paralysis → Overthinking prevents authentic action
6. Reactive Choices → You act from anxiety, not authenticity
7. Emotional Volatility → Anxiety, disappointment, temporary highs
8. Pattern Reinforcement → The cycle becomes your default mode
9. Identity Confusion → You lose touch with your true self.
Sound familiar? This is why you can have hundreds of online connections, but you still feel lonely. You’re seeking an authentic relationship through inauthentic means—trying to get people to validate a version of yourself that isn’t even real.
The Eastern Reframe: From Seeking to Being
Here’s where it gets interesting. The Upanishads teach something called “Tat Tvam Asi”—”Thou art That.” In other words, you are already what you’re seeking. The love, acceptance, and sense of belonging you’re chasing online already exist as your fundamental nature.
This isn’t just spiritual bypassing or positive thinking. Modern neuroscience supports this notion: our brains are wired for connection, but social media hijacks this wiring by offering simulated interactions instead of genuine relationships.
The solution isn’t to reject technology or become a digital hermit. It’s to use ancient wisdom practices to cultivate what the texts call “Atma-jnana”—self-knowledge that isn’t dependent on external validation.
Practical Wisdom: Your Digital Detox Meets Spiritual Practice
1. Conscious Consumption
(Sravana – Learning)
Practice: Instead of mindlessly scrolling, choose what you consume consciously. Follow accounts that teach wisdom rather than trigger comparison.
Why It Works: The Sanskrit term “Satsang” means “association with truth.” Who you spend time with (even digitally) shapes your consciousness. Ancient wisdom teaches that surrounding yourself with higher perspectives gradually elevates your own.
2. Reflective Awareness (Mannam – Contemplation)
The Practice: Weekly “validation audits.” Ask yourself: Where did I seek approval this week? What triggered my need for external validation? When did I feel most authentic vs. when did I feel like I was performing?
Why It Works: The Yoga Sutras teach that “awareness without judgment transforms patterns.” Simply noticing your validation-seeking behaviors begins to dissolve them
3. Authentic Expression (Nididhyasana – Practice)
Practice: Create and share from a place of authenticity rather than a strategic approach. Post the sunset because it moved you, not because it might get likes. Share your struggles as well as your successes. Express your values through action, not just captions.
Why It Works: The Bhagavad Gita teaches the concept of “Dharma”—aligned action. When your outer expression matches your inner truth, you stop needing external validation because you’re already in integrity with yourself.
4. Sacred Beginnings (Mangalacharan and Mantra)
Practice: Start your day with intention-setting before opening any apps. This could be a simple mantra, such as “May I connect authentically today” or “Let me remember my inherent worth.”
Why It Works: Ancient traditions understood that how you begin shapes everything that follows. Setting conscious intention creates a container for your digital interactions.
Implementation: Keep your phone in another room until you’ve set your daily intention. Use airplane mode for the first hour after waking.
5. Wise Discrimination (Discernment and Dispassion)
Practice: Learn to distinguish between genuine connection and validation-seeking. Ask: “Am I sharing this to contribute something valuable, or am I seeking approval? Am I engaging with this content because it’s enriching or because it feeds comparison?”
Why It Works: The Upanishads teach “Viveka”—the discrimination between what’s real and what’s projected. Most of our online suffering comes from confusing simulation with reality.
Implementation: Before engaging with any content, pause and identify your motivation. Are you connecting or seeking?
The Science Meets Spirituality Connection
Modern research confirms what ancient wisdom has long known: our well-being depends more on the quality of our connections than on the quantity of our achievements or approvals. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been ongoing for over 80 years, consistently demonstrates that meaningful relationships are the strongest predictor of happiness and life satisfaction.
However, there’s a spiritual twist: you can’t build meaningful relationships while seeking validation because validation-seeking is fundamentally about you, whereas authentic relationships are about genuine mutual care and understanding.
The ancient texts refer to this “as Bhakti”—love without conditions, connection without need. When you stop needing others to validate you, you become free to love them.
Your Digital Dharma
The word “Dharma” means your unique path of contribution. In our connected world, this might mean using your platforms to share wisdom, support others’ growth, or build communities around shared values rather than shared aesthetics.
The Liberation Promise
Here’s the profound promise of this ancient wisdom: When you stop seeking validation externally, you don’t become isolated—you become genuinely available for connection. When you stop trying to be someone else, people can see and love who you are. When you stop trying to be impressive, you become genuinely inspiring.
The same wisdom that guided seekers through personal transformation 2,000 years ago can guide your generation through the unique challenges of digital connection. The path to an authentic relationship has always required the same thing: knowing yourself so deeply that others’ opinions can inform but never define you.
Your worth isn’t measured in metrics. Your value isn’t determined by engagement rates. Your belonging doesn’t depend on your performance. The ancient texts promise something revolutionary: You are already whole, already worthy, already enough. Everything else is just a creative expression of that fundamental truth.
When you remember who you really are, social media becomes a tool for authentic connection rather than a drug for validation. And in that authenticity, you find the genuine community you’ve been seeking all along.
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