The Ancient Art of Not Caring What People Think (While Still Being a Good Human)
Girish Jha, Coach and Guide. Blog for Generation-Z (13-28 years)
How 2,000-year-old wisdom can free you from the validation trap that’s literally rewiring your brain?
Real talk: You’re probably reading this while simultaneously having three different text conversations, checking if your story got views, and low-key stressing about whether that person left you on read because they hate you or because they’re just busy.
Your brain is exhausted from constantly calculating how you’re being perceived. You want to make a difference in the world, but you’re stuck in cycles of seeking approval from people whose opinions don’t actually matter. You know this is draining your energy, but you can’t seem to stop.
Plot twist: This isn’t a “you” problem. It’s a human problem that’s been around for literally thousands of years. And ancient wisdom traditions already cracked the code.
The Approval Addiction: Why Your Brain Won't Chill
Here’s what’s actually happening in your head:
Eastern psychology refers to it as the “projection trap”—your mind believes it needs external validation to feel complete. But here’s the thing: you’re trying to use other people’s opinions to solve an internal identity crisis.
The ancient texts describe this as a nine-step cycle that keeps you mentally trapped:
- You notice something (a conversation, post, interaction)
- You want a specific outcome (likes, acceptance, validation)
- Your mind starts obsessing (analyzing every detail)
- You create expectations (hopes and fears about responses)
- You overthink everything (paralysis by analysis)
- You act from anxiety (not from your authentic self)
- You feel emotionally chaotic (highs, lows, constant stress)
- The pattern becomes automatic (you can’t stop seeking approval)
- You lose touch with who you actually are (identity crisis mode)
Sound familiar? This is why you can have hundreds of followers but still feel lonely. You’re seeking authentic connection through inauthentic means.
The Ancient Solution: Stop Seeking, Start Being
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The Ancient Solution: Stop Seeking, Start Being
The Upanishads (ancient Indian texts) teach something revolutionary: You already are what you’re seeking. The acceptance, love, and sense of belonging you’re chasing through likes and validation already exist within you.
 This isn’t toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing. Modern neuroscience confirms that our brains are wired for genuine connection, but social media hijacks this system by offering simulation instead of real relationships.
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Five Ancient Practices for Modern Life
Conscious Input (Sravanam)
What it is: Being intentional about what you consume mentally and digitally.
Why it matters: Ancient wisdom teaches “Satsang”—you become like what you spend time with, even online.
How to do it:
- Curate your feeds for growth, not comparison
- Start your day with something inspiring before checking social media
- Follow accounts that teach wisdom, not just aesthetics
- Unfollow anything that consistently makes you feel worse about yourself
Real impact: Your mental state becomes more stable because you’re not constantly consuming content designed to trigger insecurity.
Weekly Reality Checks (Mananam)
What it is: Regular self-reflection without judgment.
Why it matters: Awareness without judgment transforms patterns. You can’t change what you don’t notice.
How to do it:
- Sunday evening check-ins: Where did I seek validation this week?
- Notice your triggers: What makes you need approval most?
- Track patterns: When do you feel most authentic vs. when do you feel like you’re performing?
- Journal without trying to “fix” anything—just observe
Real impact: You start seeing your patterns clearly, which naturally begins to dissolve them.
Authentic Expression (Nididhyasanam)
What it is: Creating and sharing from the truth, not a strategy.
Why it matters: The Bhagavad Gita teaches “Dharma”—when your outer expression matches your inner truth, you stop needing external validation.
How to do it:
- Share what genuinely moves you, not what might get engagement
- Express your values through actions, not just captions
- Be real about struggles, not just highlights
- Create content that contributes something meaningful
Real impact: People connect with the genuine you, fostering genuine relationships rather than superficial interactions.
 Intentional Beginnings (Mangalacharan)
What it is: Start your day with purpose before opening any apps.
Why it matters: How you begin shapes everything that follows. Conscious intention creates a container for your digital interactions.
How to do it:
- Keep your phone in another room until you’ve set your intention
- Simple daily intention: “Let me remember my worth today” or “May I connect authentically.”
- Use airplane mode for the first 30 minutes after waking
- Begin with what matters to you before consuming others’ content
Real impact: You approach your day with a sense of centeredness rather than reactivity.
Smart Boundaries (Viveka/Discernment)
What it is: Learning to distinguish between what’s real and what’s projection.
Why it matters: Most online suffering comes from confusing simulation with reality.
How to do it:
- Before posting: “Am I sharing this to contribute or to seek approval?”
- Before engaging: “Is this enriching me or triggering comparison?”
- When someone doesn’t respond: “This is about their life, not my worth.”
- Regular digital detoxes to reconnect with offline reality
Real impact: You stop taking digital interactions so personally and focus energy on what actually matters.
Jordan's Story: From Anxiety to Authenticity
The turning point came during a panic attack triggered by a post getting fewer likes than expected. “I realized I was literally letting strangers’ opinions control my nervous system,” Jordan reflects.
Instead of quitting social media entirely, Jordan began applying these ancient practices:
- Started days with intention-setting instead of immediately checking notifications
- Began sharing their mental health journey authentically
- Unfollowed accounts that triggered comparison
- Used weekly reflection to notice validation-seeking patterns
The result? “My anxiety decreased significantly, but more importantly, I started attracting people who actually cared about me as a person. When I stopped performing perfection, I found real community.”
Jordan’s followers actually increased because authenticity is magnetic—but more importantly, the quality of connections transformed completely.
The Neuroscience Behind Ancient Wisdom
Modern research backs up what ancient texts knew:
- Social media activates the same brain regions as addiction
- Authentic relationships are the strongest predictor of mental health
- Mindfulness practices literally change brain structure
- Purpose and meaning matter more for well-being than achievement or approval
The Harvard Study of Adult Development (80+ years running) consistently shows that quality relationships matter more than the quantity of achievements, likes, or external validation.
However, here’s the spiritual insight: You can’t build quality relationships while seeking validation because validation-seeking is about you, whereas authentic relationships are about genuine mutual care.
Your Identity Beyond the Algorithm
The ancient concept of “Atman” teaches that your true identity isn’t dependent on external circumstances. This means:
- Your worth isn’t measured by engagement rates
- Your value isn’t determined by others’ opinions
- Your identity exists beyond your online persona
- Your purpose is bigger than personal brand-building
This doesn’t mean not caring about anything. It means caring about what actually matters: authentic relationships, meaningful contribution, personal growth, and positive impact.
Weekly Practice Challenge
Week 1: Awareness Without Judgment Notice your validation-seeking patterns. Don’t try to change anything—just observe when you’re seeking approval vs. when you feel genuinely authentic.
Week 2: Intentional Consumption
Curate your digital diet. Unfollow what drains you; follow what inspires growth. Start days with intention before checking devices.
Week 3: Authentic Expression Share from truth rather than strategy. Notice how this changes both your experience and the quality of responses you receive.
Week 4: Community Over Validation Focus on contributing to others rather than seeking from them. Use your platforms to genuinely support people and share meaningful content.
The Real Impact Question
If you knew you were already enough—completely worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are—how would you show up online differently?
What would you create if approval wasn’t the goal? How would you connect if you didn’t need anything in return? What impact would you make if you trusted your own judgment completely?
Why This Actually Matters for Your Generation
You’re inheriting a world with massive challenges: climate change, economic uncertainty, social division, and mental health crises. The last thing you need is to waste your energy seeking validation from people who aren’t even paying attention.
Your generation has incredible potential for positive impact. But you can’t change the world while constantly worried about how you’re being perceived. The same mental energy you’re using to seek approval could be directed toward solving actual problems.
Ancient wisdom teaches the concept of “Seva”—selfless service. When you stop needing external validation, you become genuinely available to contribute to something bigger than yourself.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to become a monk or delete all your apps.You just need to remember something the ancient texts knew: your worth isn’t up for debate, your value isn’t dependent on other’s opinions, and your authentic self is far more interesting than any curated version.
The approval you’re seeking from others? You already have it from the most important source: yourself.Everything else is just a creative expression of that fundamental truth.
When you remember who you truly are, social media becomes a tool for authentic connection and positive impact, rather than a means for validation. And in that authenticity, you find both the genuine community and the meaningful purpose you’ve been seeking all along.
Your generation doesn’t need more validation. It needs more people who are secure enough in themselves to focus on what actually matters. Be one of them.
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